Joseph Conrad: Nostromo

PART THIRD: THE LIGHTHOUSE 8. CHAPTER EIGHT (continued)

"What is it you say?"

"If he could speak he would say the same thing," pursued
Nostromo, with a nod of his shadowy head silhouetted against the
starlit window.

"I do not understand you," said Dr. Monygham, faintly.

"No? Perhaps, if you had not confirmed Sotillo in his madness, he
would have been in no haste to give the estrapade to that
miserable Hirsch."

The doctor started at the suggestion. But his devotion, absorbing
all his sensibilities, had left his heart steeled against remorse
and pity. Still, for complete relief, he felt the necessity of
repelling it loudly and contemptuously.

"Bah! You dare to tell me that, with a man like Sotillo. I
confess I did not give a thought to Hirsch. If I had it would
have been useless. Anybody can see that the luckless wretch was
doomed from the moment he caught hold of the anchor. He was
doomed, I tell you! Just as I myself am doomed--most probably."

This is what Dr. Monygham said in answer to Nostromo's remark,
which was plausible enough to prick his conscience. He was not a
callous man. But the necessity, the magnitude, the importance of
the task he had taken upon himself dwarfed all merely humane
considerations. He had undertaken it in a fanatical spirit. He
did not like it. To lie, to deceive, to circumvent even the
basest of mankind was odious to him. It was odious to him by
training, instinct, and tradition. To do these things in the
character of a traitor was abhorrent to his nature and terrible
to his feelings. He had made that sacrifice in a spirit of
abasement. He had said to himself bitterly, "I am the only one
fit for that dirty work." And he believed this. He was not
subtle. His simplicity was such that, though he had no sort of
heroic idea of seeking death, the risk, deadly enough, to which
he exposed himself, had a sustaining and comforting effect. To
that spiritual state the fate of Hirsch presented itself as part
of the general atrocity of things. He considered that episode
practically. What did it mean? Was it a sign of some dangerous
change in Sotillo's delusion? That the man should have been
killed like this was what the doctor could not understand.