William Shakespeare: The Merry Wives of Windsor

ACT V. SCENE 5. Another part of the Park.

[Enter FALSTAFF disguised as HERNE with a buck's head on.]

FALSTAFF.
The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute
draws on. Now the hot-blooded gods assist me!
Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love set on thy
horns. O powerful love! that in some respects, makes a
beast a man; in some other a man a beast. You were also,
Jupiter, a swan, for the love of Leda. O omnipotent love!
how near the god drew to the complexion of a goose! A
fault done first in the form of a beast; O Jove, a beastly
fault! and then another fault in the semblance of a fowl:
think on't, Jove, a foul fault! When gods have hot backs
what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor
stag; and the fattest, I think, i' the forest. Send me a cool
rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow?
Who comes here? my doe?

[Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE.]

MRS. FORD.
Sir John! Art thou there, my deer? my male deer?

FALSTAFF.
My doe with the black scut! Let the sky rain
potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of 'Greensleeves'; hail
kissing-comfits and snow eringoes; let there come a tempest
of provocation, I will shelter me here.

[Embracing her.]

MRS. FORD.
Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart.

FALSTAFF.
Divide me like a brib'd buck, each a haunch; I
will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow
of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your husbands. Am
I a woodman, ha? Speak I like Herne the hunter? Why,
now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution.
As I am a true spirit, welcome!

[Noise within.]

MRS. PAGE.
Alas! what noise?

MRS. FORD.
Heaven forgive our sins!

FALSTAFF.
What should this be?

MRS. FORD.
Away, away!